Perseverance

per·se·ver·ance (pûrs-vîrns)
n.
1. Steady persistence in adhering to a course of action, a belief, or a purpose; steadfastness

I'm tired. I'm very tired. I have worked hard, and soon I will be able to relax. There is more that I could've done, but there is much that I have done. Much that I did that I didn't think I could do. I am proud of myself. I'm also just tired.

I think about the reasons for why I work so hard; I'm sure you do the same from time to time. if not questioning your perseverance than just questioning traits and habits. I keep trying not to think about giving up. There's so much that could go wrong. I feel as though I'm being compressed, but if I exclude myself from the forces that be, they'll only be left to hit each other. That can't happen.

I also feel as though I'm giving myself too much credit; I don't do much, at least not for others. I do a lot for myself, and that's mainly why I'm proud. By getting past all that idiotic humbleness I can truly see what it is that I need to do for myself. Like now. The thought bubbles to the surface every now and then of spurring up some worldly philosophy or asking you, as the reader, some question so that you feel as though reading this is worthwhile to you, but it shouldn't be.

This is for me.

This is me acknowledging that I have done great things, and left some things unattended. This is me reflecting on how I can improve myself and those around me. I find it so exhilarating every time I tell Mitch the truth about what I feel or what I'm thinking about. The absolute truth, whether it's ridiculous or lude or crude, it's still the truth and to know that I'm capable of that is something extraordinary. I prove to myself each day that I'm worthy of him, of a relationship, of fulfilling that promise to him that I very much intend to fulfill.

One day.

For now I must persevere. There is work to be done. Muscles to cramp. Headaches to bear. Homework to finish. What I've done already will not - can not - be squandered over now. It can't be ruined. I must presevere.